By Purv Ashar
Chair: Good morning delegates and viewers of UNIS: the reality show! Delegates, cameras on please!
(An uneventful 5 minutes pass)
Chair: Delegates, I am serious! Cameras on please.
(Delegates bar Delegate of USA put their camera on)
Chair: Thank You, delegate of USA?
Delegate of USA: Wi-fi issues, Sir Chair
Chair: It’s chair… and I’ll give you 5 minutes, put it on or we’ll keep you here for longer
USA: Sure I’ll leave early… oh. Alright
(USA puts camera on, committee begins)
Deputy Chair: Yes, I’m presuming all of you know the topic?
Zambia: Err… no
Chair (facepalming): Please tell me you’re joking. Please tell me you’re joking
Deputy Chair: No it’s alright, let’s get back into the topic, it’s the Iran-Iraq war. You all wrote position papers, so I know you have done your research.
(All delegates nod)
Chair: Good, are there an…
(Interrupted by crunching sound from a press delegate)
Chair: Would request people not speaking to mute, especially if you’re eating rocks
Press Delegate: It’s actually Cornflakes… oh w… (mutes)
Chair: Er… thank you, I guess? Let’s go on, but only after a commercial break!
(Commercial break)
Deputy Chair: And welcome back to UNIS, the reality show! Which delegate would like to go first?
(No hands raised)
Chair: Guys, you just need to say “Motion to open committee”, for goodness’ sake! Please, someone raise your hand.
(Delegate of UK raises their hand)
Deputy Chair: Thank you! Delegate of the United Kingdom!
UK: Point of personal privilege, can I use the washroom?
Deputy Chair: Yes, but only after you say “Motion to open committee!”
UK (reluctantly): Motion to open committee? Now can I please go?
Chair: That motion is in order and it passes by discretion of the chair, and yes, Delegate of UK, you can go. Alright, now can someone open the GSL?
Venezuela: Motion to open GSL?
Deputy Chair: That motions shall pass by discretion of the chair. Please raise your hands in the order that you wish to speak.
(Three hands raised)
Chair: Soviet Union, Iran, Italy, you have been recognised. What about the rest? You need to speak!
West Germany: I’m not ready, can we have 10 minutes?
(Choruses of yesses follow)
Chair: Oh alright, we reconvene in 10 minutes, and will continue in the next episode of UNIS: the reality show! See you soon!
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