(Before I start I just have to say this isn’t a conspiracy at all, it is a hard fact and there’s a ton of evidence in the comics that proves it. If you think about it enough, it all makes sense.)
Calvin is most definitely not the child of his mum and dad. His hair is blond and spiky while his dad’s hair is black and his mum’s is brown. Both have straight hair. Considering both his parents have dark hair, it’s a little strange that they’d have a blonde kid, isn’t it? That’s exactly what I’m saying. People should listen to me more. Susie, Calvin’s friend, has straight brown hair. See where I’m going with this? No, I don’t think you do. Ok whatever, I’ll explain.
Here’s what I’m saying. Calvin’s parents clearly don’t like him that much. I mean, they feed him disgusting vegetables and try to force him to do his homework (AGAINST HIS WILL). For some reason, Susie enjoys doing these things, and also takes piano lessons. These strange hobbies of hers can only be genetic, and her brown hair seals the deal. Susie is Calvin’s parents’ real daughter and Calvin is Susie’s parents’ son. We’ve never seen Susie’s parents. Have you ever wondered why? That’s right. It’s because both her parents have blonde spiky hair!
When Susie was a kid, her REAL parents must have bought her Hobbes. In accordance with G.R.O.S.S. protocol, he needed to Get Rid Of Slimy girlS, to maintain his high ranking in the club. So, he resorted to his only option. Pulling out a high tech gadget and men-in-black-ing the whole family by wiping their memories. He then proceeded to swap the kids in his house and the house next door to establish the final step, a second member for his club. And that’s how Calvin’s with the wrong set of parents. No wonder they like Susie way more than their ‘real’ son.
If you read anything in the books that contradicts this article, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that you have purchased a fake book. It’s not the real thing and it’s being sold under the same name as the original author’s to lure you away from the truth. Do not believe it.
Signing off,
An anonymous truth finder
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